Oh BOY

Monday October 22^nd and Tuesday October 23^rd

Boy oh boy does this one have his mama’s heart wrapped around his finger already.  Yesterday Luke said “mama” out loud for the first time.  He’s known who I am from day one, but I’ve never heard the words “mama” until today.  And boy did it melt my heart!  He does this thing when he gets excited and wants to tell or show me something - he will tap on my leg or arm saying “Mama. Mama.”  It is then usually followed by pointing at something and some other phrases that I don’t understand.  I’m not sure if they are actual mandarin words or just toddler babble.   It doesn’t really matter, I probably couldn't focus much after the “mama mama” anyway.  (Don’t tell Kanhka, but I think he’s actually becoming a mama’s boy!)

When I’ve told people we were adopting from China, the automatic response was usually to assume we were adopting a girl.  If I mentioned from the start we were adopting a boy, they were often surprised and would say something to the effect of “oh, I thought they only had girls” or “how did you get lucky enough to get a boy”.   Well, we certainly are lucky to have Luke in our family, but the reality is far from what people assume.  At this time, China’s orphanages are mostly made up of boys with special needs.  Certainly, 20 years ago with the one child policy, there was an abundance of healthy girls waiting to be adopted.  But much has changed in the China culture and in the adoption community over the last few decades.  The reality is that most people looking to adopt are requesting girls.  Sources consistently quote 75% and some sources say even as high as 90% of people wanting to adopt want a girl.  This holds true not only in China, but in all other international and domestic adoptions.  There are a number of speculated reasons for this which I won’t go into since I can’t speak to the truth behind them, but it ultimately means that boys stay in foster care and orphanages around the world much longer.  People who work in orphanages in China will say, “families wait for girls, and boys wait for families”.  We saw this to be true when we went to go visit Luke’s orphanage.  Of the 20 kids in his room, one was a girl, and she already has a family coming for her.

When we started the adoption process, we had no children and also knew we wanted more than one child so we left our gender preferences open to either a boy or a girl.  With the statistics I just mentioned above though, we knew our agency would most likely match us with a little boy’s file since we were open to a boy.  In fact, part of the reason we switched from Ethiopia to China was because our agency kept sending out e-mails saying what a big need there was for people to adopt boys with cleft lip/palates from China.  After Eliana and after Miller were each born, we decided not to change anything in our file, still knowing we would probably be matched with a boy.  And boy am I glad we didn’t (pun intended)!  This little guy was destined to be ours well before he was even born, and while Luke doesn't have a cleft lip or palate, that call from our agency and direction from the Lord is what got us over to the China program and to him.   As we get to know his personality more and more that becomes even more evident.  We’ve been blessed to bond with him quickly and he just seems like any other Linthavong kiddo.  And he certainly does seem to be "all boy".  He gets super excited to see truck and planes.  He loves balls and building blocks, but he hasn't even touched a stuffed animal we brought. 

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve looked at Kanhka and said, I didn’t expect it to be this easy.  By that I’m not only referring to Luke's adjustment to us, but also to me bonding with him.  Me looking at him and already having this sense of peace that he is my son – it was almost instantaneous and has only grown deeper in the last week and a half.  It doesn’t come that easy for many adoptive parents.  From the education you have to do during the adoption process, you are made painfully aware that it can take months and sometimes even years for that connection to be solidified.   Again, I find myself just immensely thankful for another answered prayer!

The mandatory bilateral pinky hold (see last blog post)

Here are some pictures for our sight-seeing in the city of Guangzhou the last two days.  On Monday, we went to the Chen Art Gallery where they have local artisans making traditional crafts, which was really neat to see such skill (Look something actually hung on our walls when we get home now!).  Next we went to a local tea house to have traditional tea.  While I love tea, Kanhka was less than enthusiastic about the experience.  When we got back to the hotel, we tried to go to the pool since it was 80 degrees outside and Luke loves the bath.  He is not, however, a fan of cold pool water. 

 Today, we went shopping in the whole-sale markets and to Shamian Island, which is a man-made island in the middle of the city where a lot of the international consulates use to be located.  Now it is mostly just shopping in pretty colonial architecture.  After we all took a nice nap, we played bubbles in a nearby park and then ended to day with a dinner cruise down the Pearl River.  Unfortunately, Kanhka’s phone is having some internet difficulties, so I can’t share the photos that we’ve taken on his phone.